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Well known motivational speaker Jim Rohn memorably states that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.

Feeling stuck, frustrated and alone, yet you're surrounded by people? Have you been searching for something different yet find that you have circled back to the exact same place you started and wonder why this this keeps happening? Why, yet again the emotions of anger, striving to no avail and feeling like your feet are stuck in tar thus not allowing you to move from the spot you are in, still surround you.

I want to get real with you for a bit. I want to ask some questions that may be a little difficult to answer, or maybe not depending on who you are. I want to know what you want, and I want to help you get it. Are you ready? Here we go....

What are the current things in your life that you want changed?

Have you sat down to systematically figure out what it is in your life that is making you unhappy? Do you even know what it is that is causing these feelings of discontent, grief or loss? Take 20 minutes of quiet time and to sit down and think. Look inside and write it all down on paper. What do you want changed in your current situation?

Where do you want to go? What do you want in life?

Is it to be happy again? Write out what that looks like to you. Define "Happy" My happy looks completely different than other peoples happy. What does yours look like? Do you want a different job? How would that feel? How about a better family dynamic, an ability to help others, a sense of purpose, to be debt free, to start a new business. I don't know what it is for you but there is no limit to what to can achieve if you choose to. Don't be your own roadblock on your path to get where you want to go and create what you want to create. Take another 20 minutes and write out what your ideal life looks like, what your "happy" is.

Let's map it backwards...

What steps do you need to take to get from where you are to where you want to be? It's easier to map these out now that you have an actual destination. What do you need to do daily to get where you want to go, what milestones do you need to hit along the way to assure yourself that you are headed in the right direction. Take the time to map out your life! It's the only one you get.

Now lets look at who you are surrounded by...

Who do you confide in? Who speaks words into your life everyday? Who are you surrounded by? You may be thinking "what in the world are you getting at here"? Well let me explain. when you have a goal, whatever it is, who do you tell? It's usually those that are close you right? I'm asking you if those people speak life into your plans or are they the ones that assist you in creating roadblocks to your future? Are they your cheerleaders or are they constantly speaking words of negativity? WHO ARE YOUR PEOPLE? The importance of these key people will make or break you and your future. Let me share a few stories of my own.

* After my daughter passed away, I chose to only be around people that helped me stay stuck in my grief. I was blessed with the sad eyes from almost everyone I encountered. I was coached to tell my story over and over in an attempt to desensitize me from it, when really it kept me right where I had started. I realized after many years that I was choosing to stay stuck (instead of processing) and being helped to do so by those surrounded me.

* When I went after my weight loss journey, I would share with people what I was up to and was told I was perfectly fine how I was. Yet I was not happy with myself and physically I knew something needed to change or I would be dealing with some medical emergency down the road. Why was weight loss a bad thing??

* When I was at my corporate job, and hated every moment of my life. I was told that I had a good solid job and that this is what "being successful" was like. I bought that lie for a few years before I had a complete breakdown from stress and unresolved grief.

See what I was being told and what my core beliefs were, did not match up. I was trying to be happy using other peoples definitions. I was at war and I had no idea that there was a battle going on. What I knew for sure during those times was that I was not happy and something was amiss.

It took me years to learn to define my life by my terms. I had many failed attempts but when I chose to not quit on myself, this is what happened. I learned my own definitions and surrounded myself with the people that INTENTIONALLY poured life into them.

*I learned that I could be happy and thrive in life while still holding my daughter close to my heart. She is celebrated in our family just like our other four daughters and although my other daughters never got to meet Aspen, you would probably not know it unless I told you.

* I chose to get healthy on my terms regardless of naysayers. Why would I let them pull me back down into the pit of unhappiness. It's their choice to stay there just as it was mine to get out.

* As for the job, well... turns out the corporate world isn't for me and my "happy" gladly took the pay cut to be with you here today. To be a Grief Recovery Specialist and Life Coach, walking along side those who have broken hearts or those searching for something different. I don't regret this choice one bit. Not even a little.....

Don't live the rest of your life using someone else's definition of "happy". Take the time (you are worth and deserve it) to define what that looks like for you. What do you want the rest of your life to look like? More than likely you have a quite a few more years to go. Don't limit yourself. go the extra mile, drink the green shake, choose to have joy in your life, surround yourself with those people that pour into you. If you are not sure who those people are or if you have any, jump on podcasts, YouTube, Google, there is someone that wants to encourage you and remember....


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